the lion mum

this is about a mum that never gave up on fighting for her kids, although so many said and still say it is not right. a mum that loves her kids more than she loves her life. a mum that fights every day just that her kids do not have to worry about anything. a mum that lost so many parts of herself but never ever let anything bad happen to her kids. and this mum is my mum. today by the age of 20 i know (actually i always knew), that all these people are wrong and i can be so thankful to have such a mum just like her. everyday i pray that one day i can be such a great lion mum. 👭 💝 🦁

my mum never had an easy life. since she was born she had to fight for herself. her parents never gave her the love she needed as a kid. her mother had to work hard for money and was more like a mum that cared more about herself than about her kids. and her dad was an asshole that was always away because he wanted to and strayed his whole life, and still does. not to forget that he was never really a father. so there was always just her and her sister. everything she reached, she reached by herself. she always told me that when she was younger she had three wishes which she never gave up on:

1. a swimming pool
2. roller skates
3. two children

and she fulfilled all of her three dreams. the last one was the hardest part. before my mum got me, she was pregnant with twins. one day suddenly she did not feel good. she did not knew she was pregnant because it was early in pregnancy. but something in her abdomen seemed to be wrong. when she was in hospital it was almost too late. her belly was full with blood because the egg with the twins got stuck in one of her tubes and bursted it. the doctors operated on her and removed the damages oviduct. this was a really hard time for her because children were her biggest wish and loosing two at once is not easy for a mum.
and with one oviduct and her power in believing in her dreams she never gave up. so one day she was finally pregnant with me. my aunt, her sister, told me some time ago that she always wanted to have “her jenny”. all along she wanted to have a girl like me. and then she was finally pregnant with her girl. i was born one month too early (my actual birthday is 22.05. and it should’ve been 20.06.) and somehow the doctors in the hospital forgot me. as a result i got a bad jaundice. but all in all i survived and my mum got her first child although there was always the risk of the tubal pregnancy happening again. and happily after 22 months my little brother was born and her biggest wish came true. and that all with one oviduct.

in school she always had to do stuff on her own. there was no mum that helped her in homework, no dad that showed her something in maths. even if she wanted to there was just nobody she could actually ask. but that never stopped her in dreaming and she swore to herself that her children will never have to go through such things alone.

she was always and still is the only person that never gave up on believing in the good in people. and she never gave up in hoping that the good comes to her too. so many friends betrayed her. her boyfriends always seemed to have big issues with themselves and their families that she was not able to solve. there was no one that was the same level as her. today her and dad are more like siblings or very long friends. the love disappeared a long time ago. we four still live together but my dad made a lot of mistakes and hurt my mum so bad that there are wounds that even time cannot heal. he never cheated on her or beat her, no, he was just very very stupid. so we are a family but my parents are not a  couple anymore although they are still married. however, in this relationship she gave so much that she lost large pieces of herself. some women might have already left her husband when they did the things my dad did and still does to my mum. but for my mum it was more important that her kids have her dad and her mum together. that her kids do not have do decide between being with dad or being with mum. and although i do not “forgive” my dad for letting my mum going through all this things alone, he was a cool dad. he never really said he loves us but he is that kind of person where you just know that he does although he does not say it out loud. he is just a very sensible man that has a lot of thoughts that he never shares and a lot of problems he does not want to talk about. but all in all he is just an adult child that never grew up and actually never wanted to with whom we had a lot of fun when we were kids.

i always say to her, that her time will come when the right one is here. she had to experience that all with my dad and everything to tell us about the mistakes before they happen and before it is too late. and i really thank her that she did not leave my dad so we did not have to experience the life as a child of divorce. she went through this for us just that she knows how to react when this happens to me or my brother.

once she lost her best friend because of cancer and she never found a friend like her again. kerstin was her soulmate and a woman that enjoyed life to the fullest. she did what she loved, she never cared too much. she just lived. her parents were quite curious about that lifestyle but kerstin did what she wanted to do. and sadly one day cancer was stronger than her. after she died my mum said that she is glad that kerstin lived the way she wanted to. even if sometimes there was no light kerstin always seemed to find a way out. today i got the pleasure to have kerstin as my second name. and in memory of her i do the best to enjoy my life every day and be thankful that i still have my mum and my mum has me. i am so glad that i can say my mum is my best friend and i am hers.

those were just some of the hard things my mum went through. there are a lot more but she should tell you by herself. i am sure if you want to know more she will tell you something of her wisdom. all in all that never made her give up fighting. she is the best person i know. her soul is such a positive good-thinking one that many people say, when she just tells one of her stories, how she is even still alive. my mum is a lion mum. as a kid i had a problem with my teeth where i slowly lost parts of them and were i was in a great deal of pain. and she never gave up on asking all the doctors she knew. she never gave up although some said why she won’t stop because “no one can help you anyway”. she never gave up although some doctors said that they cannot (and probably do not want to) help me. and today i have beautiful teeth because she never gave up. today i am believing in my dreams because my mum taught me to never give up. she taught me that you can reach everything just by believing in it and fighting for it. sometimes when i am down and get nervous about how my life should get along i just think of her how she gave birth to two children with such conditions. i never give up because of her. she always says that she is proud because i am so ambitious. but that is just because of her. i do everything for myself and her. she taught me although your parents or other people do not give love to you there is no need do not give love to others. she tells me every day how much she loves me although her mum never said that to her. she showed me that you can learn from your mistakes and make it better the next time. that every mistake is just another lesson. she is such a wise woman. i would always ask her first, no matter what. there is no time of the day where she would not put her stuff away just to help me. there is no place in the world she would not move to just to help me, even if she has to sell all her favorite things just to afford it. my mum would give up on everything just that me and my brother have it good. she would give everything for us. and she fights more for us than she does for herself. my mum is a lion. and i know that all the bad things she went through will one day be worth it, and if not, i will make them worth it.

mum if you read that: i love you. you are the best. stay yourself you are great the way you are. you are my idol and you are beautiful. i cannot wait to let you teach my kids all of your wisdom. ❤

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i hope all of you have such a mum like me (even if mine is the best haha). if yes, tell her now how much you love her. do not forget you are the only one that heard her heartbeat from the inside. and if not, do not judge her for not being this way. everyone is different. and not everyone knows how to be a lion mum. just swear to yourself that you make it better with your kids. be a better parent then your parents are. do to your kids what you wished your parents would’ve done to you. they will give that back to you, i promise. make it better for your kids, so one day the world will be full of lion mums….and also lion dads!

Love to all those lion parents and those who will be one,
J 💕

 

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